I've just started re-reading the Biography of James Hudson Taylor by Dr. and Mrs. Howard Taylor, which I first read when I was about 19. It's without a doubt one of the best books I've ever read. Unfortunately it's out of print, but I got an old copy off Amazon.co.uk for £2.75. Not bad!
I'm on chapter 1, which details his teenage conversion to Christ in the summer of 1849. What follows is almost an immediate cooling off period from the emotion, passion and joy of his conversion; and the onset of lethargy.
What I find incredibly impressive is how utterly devastated he was by the threat of a mediocre Christian life. He was horrified with his lack of desire to pray and read his bible. He was also desperately aware of the sin in his life, and his failure to overcome it.
But how he totally blew past it. He ended up pleading with God. And God answered – by giving him his life's mission and sending him to China. And yet at this point he's a 17 year old lad who's only been a Christian for a few months. Quite remarkable.
Below are extracts I pulled from pages 19 to 23 which detail this account:
- The joy in the Lord and in His service was not the only experience as summer passed away. Coldness of heart crept in, forgetfulness, indifference. Somehow there seemed to be a gap between the power of the Lord Jesus to save 'to the uttermost' and the needs of everyday life in shop and home. The good he longed to do he did not, and the evil he hated too often had the mastery.
At such times two courses are open to the perplexed and troubled soul. One is to abandon the ideal, and gradually sink down to a low level Christian life is which there is neither joy nor power. The other is just to go on with the Lord, and because of His 'exceeding great and precious promises' to claim complete deliverance not from the guilt only, but also from the mastery of sin.
Nothing less than this could satisfy Hudson Taylor. Conversion with him had been no easy-going assent of the mind to abstract creed. The Cross of Christ had cut him off for ever from the old life, and from rest in anything the world could give. Nothing could satisfy him now but unbroken fellowship with God. Hence times of spiritual lethargy were and indifference were alarming. He could not take backsliding easily. It was nothing less than full deliverance upon which he had set his heart – real holiness, and daily victory over sin.
Outwardly things were much as usual, but inwardly he was almost driven to despair. A deadness of soul had begun to steal over him. Prayer was an effort and the bible devoid of interest. Christmas was close at hand and business correspondingly pressing. There seemed no time for quiet waiting upon God, even had the desire been present. But it was not. At times a terrible fear assailed him, that he was drifting he knew not whither and might miss the purpose of God for his life now, if not hereafter.
What was it that kept him from the life for which he longed? What was the secret of his frequent failure and backsliding in heart? Was there something not fully surrendered, some disobedience or unfaithfulness to light? Fervently he prayed that God would show him the hindrance whatever it might be, and enable him to put it away. He had come to an end of self, to a place where only God could deliver, where he must have His succour, His enlightenment, His aid. It was a life-and-death matter. Everything seemed at stake. Like one of old he was constrained to cry, 'I will not let thee go except thou bless me.'
And then, alone upon his knees, a great purpose arose within him. If only God would work on his behalf, would break the power of sin and save him, spirit soul and body, for time and eternity, he would renounce all earthly prospects and be utterly at His disposal. He would go anywhere, do anything, suffer whatever His cause might demand, and be wholly given to His will and service. This was the cry of his heart; nothing held back – if only God would deliver him and keep him from falling.
'Never shall I forget', he wrote, 'the feeling that came over me then. Words can never describe it. I felt I was in the presence of God, entering into covenant with the Almightly. I felt as though I wished to withdraw my promise, but could not. Something seemed to say "Your prayer is answered, your conditions are accepted". And from that time the conviction never left me that I was called to China.'
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